


Shallow Hopes

by simply_emotion



Category: the GazettE
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_emotion/pseuds/simply_emotion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been eight years since they set out on their trek to take over the biggest stage in Japan. Eight years ago, it was that distant dream that glued their fragile pieces together in an obscure work of art. A dream shared and fought over by so many people in a never-ending race to become something better than they thought they were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shallow Hopes

**Shallow Hopes**   
_Ruki x Aoi_

 

It’s been eight years since they set out on their trek to take over the biggest stage in Japan. Eight years ago, it was that distant dream that glued their fragile pieces together in an obscure work of art. A dream shared and fought over by so many people in a never-ending race to become something better than they thought they were. It was a frail bond to begin with, but at the time, they were naive enough to believe that it was all they needed.

Ruki was the first one to figure out that it was all a bunch of shallow hopes and vain delusions to hide just how rough the lifestyle of a musician really was. When he finally opened his eyes to the real world, it was too late to turn back. He was already standing on stage with the lives of four other people in his palm.

Uruha at his right side, irreplaceable friend, dependable drinking buddy and solemn shoulder to lean on. Kai at his back, trusted leader, confidant, and finder of silver linings. Reita to his left, accomplice in daily mischief, keeper of penny secrets and mascot to the band. Past Reita was Aoi, distant and out of reach, the person that nearly tore them apart.

Ruki had never been fond of Aoi and neither had anyone else. During his audition for the band, they had all given him the benefit of a doubt. They chalked it up to nervous first impressions and held on to hope for a better understanding of him in the future. He was a good guitarist and they needed him. They thought time would be a small price to pay.

Instead, it nearly destroyed them.

As it turned out, Aoi radiated a picture perfect first impression of who he really was. Odd, narcissistic, overly cheerful, energetic, shallow, attention hungry, and most of all, annoying. These were the words Ruki himself used to describe Aoi In hushed whispers when the guitarist's back was turned upon him.

Aoi might as well have been from a different planet as far as Ruki was concerned. The man had no clue how to interact with people in a normal fashion. He had a way of innocently sticking his nose where it did not belong and offering opinions that were never asked for. No one shared his strange sense of humor, nor did they appreciate his complete inability to judge the atmosphere and the moods of those around him. He stepped over lines and personal boundaries with a smile and was never the wiser to just how uncomfortable he made everyone around him. 

Aoi lived in his own version of reality that no one else could understand and it quickly became a growing void between him and the rest of the band. Ruki felt that void more so than anyone else did, probably because he was the one Aoi reached out to the most. Ruki had no idea why, but it left him in a difficult position as the member with the least amount of tolerance for the guitarist. 

Just talking to Aoi infuriated Ruki to an extent that it threatened to break his usually calm composer. He tried to bury it. He tried to live with it. However, it was inevitable that they would clash. 

The first time it happened, it was more like an explosion than a clash. It had been a particularly long day and Ruki was in a foul mood by the end of it. He was tired, socially withdrawn and already past his limits when Aoi decided to grace him with his ever cheerful and clueless presence. 

They were in the studio parking lot. Ruki was throwing his things into his car while Aoi chatted away about stuff neither of them really cared about. Ruki obliged his small talk with short, to the point responses that could have been more polite than they were. But when Aoi made a not so funny joke about being grumpy, Ruki lost it. Aoi probably didn’t have the slightest clue why Ruki shut the car door on his hand. 

Ruki had no excuse for doing it other than he felt like it. In the split second that it happened, it never once crossed his mind that he was potentially damaging the hand of the guitarist. He simply did it because he was angry and he wanted to cause Aoi some form of physical harm. His hand just so happened to be placed conveniently in the arch of the doorway.

Aoi’s fingers turned out to be bruised and scabbed but otherwise okay. Ruki apologized for the incident profusely even though he couldn’t deny the small sense of satisfaction it brought him to knock Aoi out of commission for a few weeks while his hand healed.

Ruki was careful not to do anything to that degree again, although the two of them continued to have moments where their personalities collided with quietly destructive results.

Whether it was a simple but unwanted gesture, or a flat out trespassing of boundaries, Ruki responded to him with the same coldness he always did.

At one point, Ruki even discussed removing him from the band. It was a conversation that he took very seriously. A conversation that the rest of the band brushed off awkwardly, though it was obvious they probably thought the same thing as some point.

“Just ignore him,” Reita said. “He’s not that bad.”

“It would be worse trying to find another guitarist,” Kai counseled .

“I don’t really care,” was Uruha’s opinion.

The result of the conversation was to wait and see what happened.

Aoi must have realized his faults at some point and began to pull away on his own. He became careful with his words and his intrusions. He didn’t bother Ruki anymore, and Ruki was glad for it. Things became easier and they settled into a comfortable routine that Ruki should have been happy with.

But he wasn’t.

Ruki looked up one day to the smiling faces of Reita, Uruha, and Kai surrounding him on stage. It was an unexplainable sensation to have them there and to know that they were with him every step of the way. To know that they were one. Except they weren’t one. There was a piece missing.

Ruki looked past the smiling faces of his friends. Aoi was off to himself on his own part of the stage. Detached and smiling alone.

 

Ruki felt that space between them like a cold wind over freezing waters. The further away Aoi drifted, the more irritated Ruki became. The void between them was unforgiveable. Such a thing wasn’t supposed to exist between a vocalist and his band. But it was all Aoi’s own damn fault, and Ruki wasn’t about to be the one to fix it. 

Somewhere along the years, Ruki became numb to it all. He even began to forget that it even existed.

Eight years later- after all the hardships, all their sleepless nights and their blood, sweat and tears- they finally stand on the stage at Tokyo Dome. Everything they worked so hard was now theirs to hold. It was a surreal feeling, one that Ruki barely believed to be true. Feelings of joy and utter bliss… the feeling of finally reaching the stars…

It was all ripped away from him the moment he saw Aoi, still there on his side of the stage. Dethatched. Alone. Tears in his eyes. 

And Ruki wonders if this dream was really worth it…

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 3am one night and I had just watched the ending video of Gazette's Tokyo Dome concert - the part where they're all crying and thanking the audience. Somehow this came out.
> 
> I admit I haven't followed Gazette at all for the last three or four years now. I haven't even seen the actual Tokyo Dome DVD. But, despite the fact I haven't liked Gazette's latest music, I still like them as a band. I'm happy they achieved their dream and this story was in no way meant to take away from that. 
> 
> I just happened to notice that Aoi was off to himself almost the whole time... something I've noticed even from their indie days. The others were together and kind of consoling each other, while Aoi was just off to the side. No one even bothered to look at him. He went over to the others eventually (and reluctantly in my opinion) and they had their little group hug, but still. It was kind of sad, and you know what? Maybe that's just who he is and I'm seeing things that aren't even there. But I've always felt that Aoi was the black sheep of the band... like he didn't really belong or something to that effect. I don't know. I love him to death, but this is just how I see him and his relationship with the rest of the band.
> 
> And I still don't like Ruki x Aoi as a pairing. I don't know why I keep writing them.


End file.
